Dealing with a large family was hard enough, now to deal with another family, called the church is tough! What or who (besides God) can truly prepare you for such a role?

No one seems to know or accept that we all have ideas based on our different experiences and beliefs. Beyond the basic guidelines, we need a valuable reminder that is durable – to be an effective Pastor’s wife is an “intricate dance,” too nuanced to be explained by one-size-fits-all formulae. What may work for one, may not necessarily work for the other without some consideration to the uniqueness of that person (the Pastor’s wife), and the situation (the congregation).

A Pastor’s wife, (in my thought), is one who wishes to serve in ministry alongside her husband, answering the call of our Lord Jesus Christ. She hopes her husband recognizes her gifting and supports her, defends her, puts her in the right priority in the order of life – God, her, the children and others (ministry and extended family). She wants to hold periodic Tea sessions with women in heart-to-heart conversations, praying and learning together – supporting or leading a ministry because she has a passion for it. She desires to be the shoulder when it is required by members of the congregation and also she wants to be able to breathe and have times of refreshing away from the busy nature of ministry, and be allowed to do that without feeling guilty. She hopes she is allowed to have close confidant in ministry regardless of their status. She hopes that the congregation appreciates the Pastor and her effort; she expects that other Pastor’s wives will understand when she is seeking support.

As I write this, I ask, “Are these expectations of a Pastor’s wife too high and lofty to attain in today’s ministry?” I can hear my heart saying … “Really? No? Yes or Maybe?” Incidentally, the Pastor’s wife has her critics — like any leader does. But she must be a woman rooted in God who is comfortable in her own skin and equipped with discernment, Godly wisdom, character, and emotional intelligence.

There is work for you and I who are on the same path to reach out, recognizing that we are unique and encourage one another without any pretence. In this retreat, go out of your way to connect with the woman next to you, for they may just need a shoulder to cry on as they are weary or just need a listening ear.

Evelyn Brisibe, Cornerstone Chapel Calgary, Alberta, Canada

Note: Article first published in 2013 PWF Conference Programme booklet